Why is it important to manage our dealings with people?
We are social animals, we have to deal, meet and socialize with people for our survival in the society. We cannot live without interaction with people, we need others for carrying on with our lives. Not every person behaves or responds the same way, different people are dealt differently.
Everyone loves to think and imagine their selves as kind and calm personalities, maybe it makes us happy, gives pleasure or may be just for self-satisfaction. Even though we all tend to be polite and calm most of the times and try to deal the situations and people as far as it can be. But as we confront any strange behavior or prickly personalities, we may not be stuck to those standards in our minds anymore, we may lose our temper too in response to those behaviors and hence this delusion is quickly dispelled every time. The lesser number of people are there who still are able to manage their temper. But most of us cannot.
Who actually are difficult people?
Difficult people can be easily identified by their behaviours. These personalities could be anywhere like any of your co-worker, your friend, classmates, fellows, boss, neighbours, customers or even any stranger. And they can ruin your day in seconds from a perfectly fair and good day into highly depressive and annoying moments of your life. Highly aggressive and challenging people are so much difficult to deal with. There are certain categories of such people grouped according to their behaviours, actions, nature, and personalities. They include
- Whiners / Downers
- Short-tempered/ Short-fused
- Better than
1. Whiners - Difficult People
They are sometimes also called downers.
These are the people, who can never be satisfied. Yes! even if you do a lot for them, you try to do best for yourself to make them happy, you sacrifice for them, you prefer their priorities over your own, still they are never satisfied they are never going to be happy. They always have something very negative to say and talk about. They will start complaining and blaming you for a small mistake or sometimes for no reason, they would not care for what you are doing for them and what you have already done for them. They are always there to critique, complain and judge others. They don’t care what has been done for them. They will only count and focus on the negative things that happened because of you. So they are extremely difficult to please.
A backstabber is a person who only pretends to be our best buddy and good friend In front of us, but turns around and betrays us, by spreading lies and hurtful and frustrating gossips about us. But whatever is the reason behind this behavior, it's very important to protect ourselves from them. But still, if this situation continues to happen and we find it difficult to stay and deal with them we must move away, end our relationship and carry on with our lives. These people are most annoying people and no one wants to stay and interact with them
3. Short Tempered
These are the people who are unable to control their anger, they get angry at very small things, especially when something goes against their expectations, something they want that this should be like this but does not go like that, annoys them. Anything that hurts their feelings and self-respect is not bearable for them and thus they find it difficult to manage and control their anger. Hence, it becomes difficult for the other person to deal with them in such situations.
These are the persons that have some sort of personality disorders, they are antisocial people that manifest their extreme antisocial behaviors, they do not like to socialize with people, they do not prefer society gatherings. These people have very bold behaviors.
They mostly prefer to be alone and antisocial. This behavior is related to Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Hervey M. Cleckley, an American psychiatrist)
5. Better Thans
What my personal experience conclude is that the better thans are the most annoying and tough people on the entire planet to deal with. They are the people that are living their lives on a single phrase ‘We know it all’.
Extremely show off people who do not value the knowledge as well as feelings of the other person. They do not want anyone else to get over them, in fact they tend to impress the other person for what they are and what they know even if it is wrong. It seems to them that what they do or what they know is the best and perfect thing ever. They compare their selves with others and always try to be superior to the other person even if they are not.
Passives are also sometimes called as Push-Overs. These people have very less and minute contribution with the conversations and work with people, they step aside and let other people do the hard work and other stuff, and prefer their own comfort over others.
These are the people with bossy attitudes, they tend to be explosive and handful. What they want they will get it and they are going to do anything to get what they want even if they are hurting the feelings and self-respect of others, they only prefer their needs without caring about what others want.
Is walking away from Difficult People the best solution?
Yes! Most of the times walking away from the conversation or the situation are the best thing one can do, but not every time. Sometimes walking away is not the solution, you may not have that option so u cannot ignore them may be because you cannot carry on with your work or life without dealing with them or sometimes it is not possible to go further without satisfying them.
So, Not every situation is escapable and at times u have to deal, you have to be patient until or unless the other person walks away. This is in the cases where you are dependent on the other person or the other person is superior to you (like boss and worker). And especially in most sensitive relationships, where leaving is not the possible solution. One has to deal carefully with patience and must find out an appropriate and best solution to that.
How to change Difficult People people?
Unfortunately, we cannot change each and every person we have to deal with, so the best solution is to look out at our own attitude-behavior saviors. We must change our selves in order to deal with these people. We are not able to change how people behave with us but we can change how we react to them.
How to deal?
There are certain strategies and tactics one can follow to deal with difficult and strange behavior and make dealings fair and more effective
1. Being Patient and cool-minded
The very first thing is to maintain our composure, the less reactive we are, the more we can use our better judgment to handle the difficult situations and weird people.
One must be patient and calm when the other person is arguing even for no reason
First of all we have to look out for the other person that who is he/she? Our best friend?
Or any person with whom we have a very close and sensitive relationship. Or he is just a stranger or any person with whom we don’t have any stronger relationship but just familiar with.
In both cases at that time we have to b patient and keep our mind calm, must not lose or temper even if the other person is wrong. Because arguing will make him more angry and annoyed. In case of a close friend we must try to cool him down and just not to argue at that moment, later on a day when he gets back to normal we can talk politely with him and tell him about his mistake and that he was arguing wrong, at that time he will value your feelings and will better understand that he was wrong he will feel sorry for that. In other case being silent or walking away is more preferable but if the person later on discusses the issue with you again then at that time you may let him know that what he did was wrong.
2. Opposite outlook
Another reason for aggressive behaviours of such people is differences in perspectives. Determining what the other person wants and sometimes compromising with that will make the situations better and fair.
3. Staying Silent
A better solution to make the other person feel sorry for what he did , is to keep quite and step away for sometime or stop your interaction with them. This strategy is best in cases where the other person is extremely important or close to you. Like one of your best friend , sibling, parents, close colleage etc. If you mean something to them they will not give up on you and must feel sorry about their deeds, even though they are thorny personalities and aggressiveness is in nature. If still your silence is making no affect on them, and they are still not feeling any regrets for what they said or what they did then it is useless to expect any more. So try to overcome your emotions and decrease the level of your attachment.
4. Fly high
As the saying goes: “You can’t fly like an eagle if you hang out with turkeys!
Always keep in mind one thing. Your time! Yes your time is valuable, do not waste it on people who don’t even worth it. So unless if there is something very important to argue for, you don’t need to do it, don’t try to convince someone who is negatively entrenched for an un important reason. Just be diplomatic, don’t get hyper, don’t take it serious and carry on with your work. No need to waste your precious time on people who don’t even deserve it.
Being a strong Problem solver
Try to solve the problem rather than making the situation more complex, Be a strong person, have patience and just try to know what actually is happening around you. If you want to deal with such people you must not lose your temper or get immediately hyper, instead try to be a strong problem solver. This will make the other person automatically change their attitude towards you and they will probably try to behave in a positive manner because you have just solved their issues.
These are some strategies or you may say tactics to deal with difficult people when you cannot afford to ignore or escape them. Must try at once, hopefully these are gonna work.
And yes! Let me know if u find this article helpful. Good luck every buddy!
Guest Post by: Sabahat Saeed